About me…

I am professional, educated, natural dominant with a strong mentor/protector “daddy style”.   In addition, I’m able understand as well as balance the real world with the kink world.  I believe that people are generally good (yes there are a few bad apples) and that life is what you make it.  Happiness is a state of mind!  I have chosen to be happy.
I believe that trust and honesty are key components of making any relationship work from friendships to even a marriage but when you add this lifestyle to the mix they are simply essential!
My mind is open and not judgmental to the best of my abilities. If someones tastes, kinks or lifestyle is different than mine that is fine. In fact, I find that by getting to know people with different views and tastes I learn more about myself (and them too!).
This lifestyle requires the need (at least for me) to be constantly learning and it is something I love about it. There are always new ways to do an ‘old trick’ or new things to try/experience.
Communication is something that I am very good at and value in my friends.
I am very perceptive at reading people. If you see me at a poker table you might consider just handing me your money LoL! Nonverbal communications are often so rarely picked up upon in today’s send an email or text message world. Nothing can replace sitting down, looking into someone’s eyes and conversing.
I’m not a perfect person. I have made mistakes and I will make them in the future too. The key for me is to learn from them and endeavor to not repeat them.
I have been asked what I ‘believe’ a few times and I think Crash Davis sums it up perfectly for me:

“I believe in the soul…the cock…the pussy…the small of a woman’s back…the hangin’ curveball…high fiber…good scotch…that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent overrated crap…I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a Constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.”
If you want to learn more, drop me a line!

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Folk Friday 1/29/2016

Happy Friday everyone and welcome the last Friday in January of 2016.  We are now a month closer to spring.  This week I thought I would share the music of Joan Baez and City and Colour.  The reason for these choices this week is Joan Baez turned 75 this week and she along with Dallas (City) Green (Colour) are appearing at the 39th annual Ann Arbor Folk Festival this weekend.   So please sit back and enjoy these wonderful artist.

 

 

7 Movies That Do BDSM Better Than ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’

Just wanted to share this if you are in the mood to binge watch a few movies with a side of kink this weekend.

Sure, there’s some light spanking and whipping in Fifty Shades of Grey, but plenty of other movies feature hotter, better BDSM sex than the film adaptation of E.L. James’s novel.

Unless you’ve been living under the rock of repression, odds are you’re at least familiar with the phenomenon that is Fifty Shades of Grey. E.L. James’s series of BDSM-lite novels, with its cringeworthy prose, has sold over 100 million copies worldwide, been translated into 52 languages, and even inspired an allegedly faulty line of lube.

It’s also spawned a film trilogy whose first installment, directed by Sam Taylor-Johnson, dominated the box office over Presidents Day weekend with a record $94.4 million take, and a global haul of over a quarter of a billion dollars.

The film centers on Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson), a romantic, virginal English lit student who falls for a surreptitious 27-year-old billionaire, Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan). Little does she know that Grey has a dark past, which manifests itself in his desire to slap, whip, and smack around women with a series of tools in his red-tinted “playroom.” Anastasia isn’t into it at first, refusing to sign her suitor’s dom-sub (dominant-submissive) contract, but eventually relents after falling for the kinky bastard—albeit as a free agent.

BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism) is a catch-all phrase that includes a variety of kinky endeavors—from inflicting pain and/or humiliation to the use of restraints—but involves a dominant who controls the session and a submissive who surrenders control. The BDSM scenes in the Fifty Shades of Grey film are tame by virtually any sexually active person’s standards. Take it from an actual dominatrix. But there have been a plethora of movies that have tackled BDSM in more unique and interesting ways.

So, without further ado, here are 7 movies that do BDSM better than Fifty Shades of Grey.

SECRETARY (2002)
Sure, there’s some light spanking and whipping in Fifty Shades of Grey, but plenty of other movies feature hotter, better BDSM sex than the film adaptation of E.L. James’s novel.

Steven Shainberg’s film tells the tale of Lee Holloway (Maggie Gyllenhaal), a clumsy and emotionally fragile gal who, after attempting to take her own life, tries to work her way back into society. She gets a job as a secretary for an attorney, E. Edward Grey (James Spader), who revels in how submissive she is. He doesn’t just share the same last name as Christian; also his taste for BDSM. What starts off as spanking to punish her typos blossoms into a full-blown dom-sub relationship. And James Spader is the ultimate dom.

BELLE DU JOUR (1967)
Sure, there’s some light spanking and whipping in Fifty Shades of Grey, but plenty of other movies feature hotter, better BDSM sex than the film adaptation of E.L. James’s novel.

“Do as you wish with me,” says Séverine Serizy. In surrealist master Luis Buñuel’s 1967 film, Serizy (Catherine Deneuve) is a young housewife whose sexual relationship with her husband is nonexistent. To satiate herself, she fantasizes about BDSM. Eventually, she begins working at a brothel under the name “Belle Du Jour” while her husband is at work, fulfilling her sexual fantasies and desires—including with a young gangster, Marcel, who brings her to the brink and back with his active dominance.

BITTER MOON (1992)
Sure, there’s some light spanking and whipping in Fifty Shades of Grey, but plenty of other movies feature hotter, better BDSM sex than the film adaptation of E.L. James’s novel.

This is legendary filmmaker (and fugitive from justice) Roman Polanski’s stab at BDSM. Nigel (Hugh Grant) and Fiona (Kristen Scott Thomas) are a bored, married couple on a cruise to Istanbul, passing through India. They come across Mimi (Emmanuelle Seigner) and her paraplegic husband, Oscar (Peter Coyote), a couple very into BDSM. Oscar first tormented Mimi, humiliating her constantly and forcing her into an abortion, then, after Mimi renders him paraplegic, she relishes both dominating and humiliating him, having sex with other men in front of him. Nigel finds himself taken by Mimi, but she may prove too hot and twisted for him to handle.

A DANGEROUS METHOD (2011)
Sure, there’s some light spanking and whipping in Fifty Shades of Grey, but plenty of other movies feature hotter, better BDSM sex than the film adaptation of E.L. James’s novel.

David Cronenberg is no stranger to BDSM—take the brilliant “device” sequence in Dead Ringers—and this film provides a fascinating psychoanalytical exploration of humiliation. Sabina Spielrein (Keira Knightley) is being treated at a psychiatric hospital in Zurich by Carl Jung (Michael Fassbender). Her frenzied condition was, it seems, caused by the simultaneous humiliation and sexual arousal she felt when her father spanked her naked as a child. At Freud’s (Viggo Mortensen) apparent suggestion, Jung and Spielrein begin a hot and heavy affair—one that includes bondage and plenty of spanking (by Fassbender, no less).

MAITRESSE (1975)
Sure, there’s some light spanking and whipping in Fifty Shades of Grey, but plenty of other movies feature hotter, better BDSM sex than the film adaptation of E.L. James’s novel.

The French, sexually liberated beings they are, sure know their BDSM. And the BDSM scenes in Barbet Schroeder’s French film proved so racy that the movie was banned until 1981 in the UK, with the ratings board remarking, “the actual scenes of fetishism are miles in excess of anything we have ever passed in this field.” The film tells the story of Olivier (Gerard Depardieu, in an early leading role), a crook who falls under the wing of Ariane (Bulle Ogier), a seemingly normal woman whose apartment has a ladder that descends into a torture chamber. Yes, she spends her days working as a professional dominatrix, and a fascinating dom-sub relationship ensues with her new assistant, Olivier. The film was finally released in the UK after several minutes were cut from it, included an unsimulated scene where Ariane nails a client’s penis to a piece of wood.

BASIC INSTINCT (1992)
Sure, there’s some light spanking and whipping in Fifty Shades of Grey, but plenty of other movies feature hotter, better BDSM sex than the film adaptation of E.L. James’s novel.

Paul Verhoeven’s erotic phenomenon starred Michael Douglas as Nick Curran, a detective investigating the case of a rock star who was brutally stabbed to death with an ice pick by a mystery blonde. The prime suspect is Catherine Tramell (Sharon Stone), an icy, bisexual writer with a penchant for bondage. While the leg-crossing scene is the most iconic, there are also several sexy BDSM scenes here featuring Stone tying Douglas to the bed and riding him like Seabiscuit.
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9 ½ WEEKS (1986)
Sure, there’s some light spanking and whipping in Fifty Shades of Grey, but plenty of other movies feature hotter, better BDSM sex than the film adaptation of E.L. James’s novel.

Adrian Lyne’s erotic drama is very ‘80s—about a divorced gallerist (Kim Basinger) who meets a Wall Street hot shot (Mickey Rourke) with a thing for dominance. The two start dating, and he begins controlling her sexually, first by blindfolding her, then in the iconic food sequence, before forcing her to masturbate at work at designated times. They get off having sex in public places, and then he buys a horsewhip, where things take a sadomasochistic turn. Eventually, he stretches her too far, and the relationship proves too adventurous for her tastes.

HONORABLE MENTION:

MR. AND MRS. SMITH (2005)
Sure, there’s some light spanking and whipping in Fifty Shades of Grey, but plenty of other movies feature hotter, better BDSM sex than the film adaptation of E.L. James’s novel.

Doug Liman’s film remake is most famous for being the movie where current husband-and-wife duo Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie first got together. In the film, they play a happily married couple who both lead double-lives as spy-assassins. When they’re forced to target each other, that’s when the shit hits the fan. Now, this isn’t a BDSM-themed film per se, but there is a fun sequence featuring Jolie in full leather dominatrix gear smacking around a handcuffed mark with a riding crop—before snapping his neck.

Source:  http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/02/17/7-movies-that-do-bdsm-better-than-fifty-shades-of-grey.html

Folk Friday

TGIF and happy Friday everyone.  Since it is Friday, today I thought I would share some of the great covers of traditional folk songs.  Some of these you will know and some might be new to you.

Enjoy!

A Cowboys Prayer/Bury Me Not (On the Lone Prairie) – Johnny Cash

This is from Cash’s first American Recordings album from 2002 and is a combination of ‘A Cowboys Prayer’, a poem by Badger Clark. ‘A Cowboys Prayer’ was first published in 1906 in The Pacific Monthly.  The second part is ‘Bury me not on the Lone Prairie’, also known as ‘The Cowboys Lament’ or ‘The Dying Cowboy’. The song was adapted from an old sailor’s song called ‘The Sailor’s Grave’ which began with the line “O bury me not in the deep deep sea” which was written many years earlier. The current version of the song first appeared in print in 1932.

Scarborough Fair – Simon and Garfunkel

I will admit until recently I did not know that this was actually an English folk song that dates back to 17th century or even earlier.  The song tells the story of a young man, who tells the listener to ask his former love to perform for him a series of impossible tasks. If she completes the tasks he will take her back.  Often the song is sung as a duet with the woman giving her lover a series of similarly impossible tasks.  The song has been adapted and modified throughout the 19th and 20th century, with the popular refrain “Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme” added during the 19th century.  Some have suggested that the words of “Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme” are a plague reference with these herbs being used to fend off the smell of the dead and dying.  Scarborough Fair remains one of the most popular and widely performed traditional British folk ballads. Various versions were made popular throughout the 1940s and 50s, however it wasn’t until the song was picked up by Simon and Garfunkel that the song reached a mainstream audience.

Tom Dooley – The Kingston Trio

For those of you who may have followed my blog for a while you might have noticed a couple of things.  First that The Kingston Trio is one of my favorite groups and I am a history geek fascinated by the American Civil War period.  So this song is wonderful for me because it features The Kingston Trio and also the sad story of a Civil War veteran, Tom Dooley.  The writer of the song is unknown; however in the documentary Appalachian Journey (1991), folklorist Alan Lomax describes the “Original source” for the song to be a Banjoist named Frank Proffitt.  The song tells the story of an impoverished Confederate vet, Tom Dooley who was convicted of murder for the alleged stabbing of his lover and possible fiancée Laura Foster.  Dooley was hanged on May 1, 1868.  A man named “Grayson” is mentioned in the song who was instrumental in supplying information which led to Dooley’s arrest.  Some versions of the song paint Grayson as a romantic rival of Dooley’s, others have him as a vengeful sheriff who presided over Dooley’s capture and eventual hanging.  Dooley’s last statement on the gallows was “Gentlemen, do you see this hand? I didn’t harm a hair on the girl’s head.”  The song became a big hit in 1958 for The Kingston Trio.

 

KNKI Is A New App And Social Network Created For The BDSM Community

Has Anyone Tried This?  I’m curious how it worked/went.

Make room on your phone, ’cause there’s a new social networking app called KNKI, and it was designed for the BDSM, fetish, poly and kink communities,

The developers want you to know that KNKI was not designed to be just another hookup app. Rather, it was designed to create a safe and comfortable space for place for members to discuss and share common interests. Additionally, the app hopes to unite members of the community with news about activism, events and education.

“KNKI was built to be a true social network,” says Carl Sandler, founder of the app. “This is an exciting time for the community. More and more people are able to talk about sexuality and identity openly, and I wanted to create a mobile app that matched the new power.”

Since popular social networks like Facebook and Instagram censor and flag kink-related content, Sandler hopes KNKI can provide a place for BDSM enthusiasts to talk freely.

And much to Sandler’s delight, KNKI has already been endorsed by companies like San Francisco’s Kink.com.

“When KNKI approached us with the platform, we immediately got it,” said Jessica Reid, head of social media at Kink.com. “As a sexual community, we have to walk on eggshells on most social networks, even when doing basic education and activism. KNKI gives us an opportunity to have those discussions without worrying about whether we’ll be banned.”

And rest assured that although the focus is on building community, KNKI can still help you find other fetish-minded people to play with.

“Whether its for #pegging or #poly, we all want to find a better way to connect,” said Sandler.

“By bringing true social tools to GPS dating, we not only connect, we build a community.”

KNKI is available for iOS and Android.

Source:  http://instinctmagazine.com/post/knki-new-app-and-social-network-created-bdsm-community

BDSM Versus the DSM

This is an interesting read.

It is taken from here:

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/01/bdsm-versus-the-dsm/384138/

 

A history of the fight that got kink de-classified as mental illness
Maegan Tintati/Flickr/The Atlantic

 

Merissa Nathan Gerson Jan 13, 2015 Health

Asking your partner to tie you to the bedpost, telling them to slap you hard in the throes of lovemaking, dressing like a woman if you are a man, admitting a fetish for feet: Just a few years ago, any of these acts could be used against you in family court.

This was the case until 2010, when the American Psychiatric Association announced that it would be changing the diagnostic codes for BDSM, fetishism, and transvestic fetishism (a variant of cross-dressing) in the next edition of its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), published in 2013. The new definitions marked a distinction between behavior—for example, playing rough—and actual pathology. Consenting adults were no longer deemed mentally ill for choosing sexual behavior outside the mainstream.

The change was the result of a massive effort from the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF), an advocacy group founded in 1997 “to advance the rights of and advocate for consenting adults in the BDSM-Leather-Fetish, Swing, and Polyamory Communities.” At the time, these types of sexual behavior, by virtue of their inclusion in the DSM, were considered markers of mental illness—and, as a result, were heavily stigmatized, often with legal repercussions. In family court, an interest in BDSM was used as justification to remove people’s children from their custody.
“Fifty Shades of Grey hadn’t come along yet. Kink was still this dark, secret thing people did.”

“A sexual sadist practices on non-consenting people,” explains NCSF founder Susan Wright, while “someone who is kinky is having consensual enthusiastically desired sex.” The problem with the earlier DSM: It didn’t draw a distinction between the two. A 1998 survey from the NCSF found that “36 percent of S&M practitioners have been victims of harassment, and 30 percent have been victims of discrimination.” As a result, the organization’s website says, “24 percent [have lost] a job or a contract, 17 percent [have lost] a promotion, and 3 percent [have lost] custody of a child.”

“We were seeing the DSM used as a weapon,” says Race Bannon, an NCSF Board Member and the creator of Kink-Aware Professionals, a roster of safe and non-judgmental healthcare professionals for the BDSM and kink community. (The list is now maintained by the NCSF.) “Fifty Shades [of Grey] had not come along,” says Bannon, an early activist in the campaign to change the DSM. “[Kink] was still this dark and secret thing people did.”

Since its first edition was published in 1952, the DSM has often posed a problem for anyone whose sexual preferences fell outside the mainstream. Homosexuality, for example, was considered a mental illness—a “sociopathic personality disturbance”—until the APA changed the language in 1973. More broadly, the DSM section on paraphilias (a blanket term for any kind of unusual sexual interest), then termed “sexual deviations,” attempted to codify all sexual preferences considered harmful to the self or others—a line that, as one can imagine, is tricky in the BDSM community.

The effort to de-classify kink as a psychiatric disorder began in 1980s Los Angeles with Bannon and his then-partner, Guy Baldwin, a therapist who worked mostly with the gay and alternative sexualities communities. Bannon, a self-described “community organizer, activist, writer, and advocate” moved to Los Angeles in 1980 and soon became close with Baldwin through their mutual involvement as open participants in and advocates for the kink community. “I’m fairly confident that I was the first licensed mental-health practitioner anywhere who was out about being a practicing sadomasochist,” Baldwin says.
“We were seeing the DSM used as a weapon.”

The pair was spurred to action after the 1987 edition of the DSM-III-R, which introduced the concept of paraphilias, changed the classifications for BDSM and kink from “sexual deviation” to actual disorders defined by two diagnostic criteria. To be considered a mental illness, the first qualification was: ‘‘Over a period of at least six months, recurrent, intense sexual urges and sexually arousing fantasies involving the act (real, not simulated) of being humiliated, beaten, bound, or otherwise made to suffer.’’ The second: ‘‘The person has acted on these urges, or is markedly distressed by them.’’

“1987 was a bad shift,” Wright recalls. “Anyone who was [voluntarily] humiliated, beaten, bound, or any other alternate sexual expression was considered mentally ill.”

With the new language, Baldwin says, he quickly realized that laws regarding alternative sexual behavior would continue to be problematic “as long as the psychiatric community defines these behaviors as pathological.”

“I knew there were therapists around the world diagnosing practicing consensual sadomasochists with mental illness,” he says.

At the time that the new DSM was published, Baldwin and Bannon were planning to attend the 1987 march on Washington, D.C., in support of gay rights; after the new criteria came out, they decided to host a panel discussion for mental-health professionals in the State Department auditorium, where they announced the launch of what would come to be known as “The DSM Revision Project.”

“We asked how many people in the room were mental-health professionals,” Baldwin says, and “two-thirds of the people in the room raised their hands. And we said, ‘The way this needs to happen is, licensed mental-health practitioners need to write the DSM committee that reviews the language of the DSM concerned with paraphilias.’”

Around 40 or 50 people left the session with the information needed to write the letters. “We did not know exactly what would result,” Bannon recalls. “We did not think we would see dramatic changes suddenly.”

They didn’t—but the changes they did see were positive. The next edition of the DSM, published in 1994, added that to be considered part of a mental illness, “fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors” must “cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.”

“This was a definite improvement from the DSM-III-R,” says Wright, who later took over leadership of the DSM Revision Project from Bannon and Baldwin.

“These criteria gave [health professionals] wiggle room to say, ‘They have issues, but it is not about their kink. For the vast majority, it is just the way they have sex,’” Bannon explains. “Rather than saying, ‘Because you are into this method of sexuality, you are sick,’ [they could say], ‘Pathologically, if this impacts your life negatively, then you have a problem.’”
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But the new language in the 1994 DSM also allowed for wiggle room of a different kind: The threshold of “significant distress” was often loosely interpreted, with the social stigma of kink, rather than kink itself, causing the negative impact on people’s lives. Workplace discrimination and violence were on the rise, according to a 2008 NCSF survey, and people were still being declared unfit parents as a result of their sexual preferences: Eighty of the 100 people who turned to the NCSF for legal assistance in custody battles from 1997-2010 lost their cases.

A few years after the 1994 DSM was published, Wright decided it was time to fight for another revision. When she founded the organization in 1997, the NCSF’s goal was a change to the APA’s diagnostic codes that separated the behavior (e.g., “he likes to restrict his breathing during sex”) from the diagnosis (e.g., “his desire to restrict his breath means that he must be mentally ill”). The next DSM, the group argued, should split the paraphilias from the paraphilic disorders, so that simply enjoying consensual BDSM would not be considered indicative of an illness.

Their efforts were largely ignored by the APA until early 2009, when Wright attended a panel discussion at New York City’s Philosophy Center on why people practice BDSM. Among the panelists was psychiatrist Richard Krueger, whose expertise included the diagnosis and treatment of paraphilias and sexual disorders.

During the meeting, Wright says, “I brought up the point that the DSM manual caused harm to BDSM people because it perpetuated the stigma that we were mentally ill. [Krueger] heard me and said that was not what they intended with the DSM.” Krueger, it turned out, was on the APA’s paraphilias committee, and following the meeting opened up an email dialogue between Wright and the other committee members, in which Wright provided documentation about the violence and discrimination kinky people experienced. “I credited that to the DSM,” she says. “Courts used it. Therapists used it. And it was being misinterpreted.”

Over the next year, “I sent him information, he gave it to the group, they asked questions, and I responded. It was very productive,” Wright recalls. “We [the NCSF] felt we were heard, we were listened to—and they took [our arguments] into account when they changed the wording” of the DSM in 2010.
“Courts used it. Therapists used it. And it was being misinterpreted.”

Another major factor in the NCSF’s favor was a paper, co-written by sexual-medicine physician Charles Moser and sexologist Peggy J. Kleinplatz and published in 2006 in the Journal of Psychology and Human Sexuality, titled “DSM IV-TR and the Paraphilias: An Argument for Removal.” According to Wright, the paper, which “summed up opinions of mental-health professionals who thought you shouldn’t include sexual activity in the DSM,” played a significant role in the paraphilia committee’s eventual shift in language.

In February 2010 the proposed change was made public—clarifying, Wright says, that “the mental illness [depends on] how it is expressed, not the behavior itself.” The new guidelines drew a clear difference, in other words, between people expressing a healthy range of human sexuality (for example, a couple that likes to experiment, consensually, with whips, chains, and dungeons) and sadists who wish others genuine harm (for example, tying and whipping someone in a basement without their consent).

The DSM-5 was released in May 2013, its contents marking a victory for the NCSF, Bannon, and Baldwin. The final language states: “A paraphilia is a necessary but not a sufficient condition for having a paraphilic disorder, and a paraphilia by itself does not necessarily justify or require clinical intervention.”

“Now we are seeing a sharp drop in people having their children removed from their custody,” Wright explains. Since the change, according to the NCSF, less than 10 percent of people who sought the organization’s help in custody cases have had their children removed, and the number of discrimination cases has dropped from more than 600 in 2002 to 500 in 2010 to around 200 over the last year.

“The APA basically came out and said, ‘These people are mentally healthy,’” Wright says. “‘It’s had a direct impact on society.”

Folk Friday

TGIF and happy ‘Folk Friday’.

Far to often we think of folk music as being old.  Songs written by people long since passed or singers just like that perception that are either old or gone.  However folk is alive and very well.  Since it is now 2016, today let’s look back at three of the best folk songs from 2015 and these artists are far, far from being ‘old’.

Enjoy!